From the "There's a Sucker Born Every Minute" Files

Oh, good Lord. I was just at a local health food store, buying dried mustard and xanthan gum, when I spotted it on the shelf: Organic Light Corn Syrup. Yes, there is now an organic corn syrup on the market. I looked at the label; it's a blend, actually, of corn syrup -- oops, I'm sorry, organic corn syrup and organic glucose syrup, plus some organic vanilla and some salt. Not organic salt, but then, salt is inorganic by definition, not containing carbon. I suspect that glucose syrup is in there so that the Wholesome Sweeteners company can proudly boast on their website that this is not a high fructose corn syrup.

Of course, all corn syrup is processed. Ever squeeze an ear of corn and get syrup? I didn't think so. Corn syrup is made by mixing corn starch with an enzyme that breaks the starch down into the component sugar molecules, and if you ever needed proof that starch is just a lot of sugar holding hands, I'd think that would be it right there. FYI, agave nectar is made exactly the same way, only it starts with fructooligosaccharides from agave instead of with starch from corn.

The claim to being "organic" apparently comes from the from the corn not being genetically modified, nor sprayed with Roundup or other nasty chemicals. That's all well and good, but the bottom line is: This is sugar, and refined, processed sugar at that. The fact that it's sugar from "organic" sources makes no difference. It's still nutritionally void garbage that will spike blood sugar, trigger fat storage, raise triglycerides, and otherwise play havoc with your body. This is no more health food than organic tobacco, or organic cocaine.

Amazingly, there are people who honestly believe that this refined sugar is somehow a more healthful choice than Splenda, because, after all, it's "natural!" and "organic!". They also seem to believe that this is somehow metabolically different from, you know, sugar. Different enough that Wholesome Sweeteners is charging five-and-a-half bucks for a cup of their politically correct corn syrup.

Somewhere, Dr. Atkins is weeping -- and P.T. Barnum is laughing.